samantha bitty

dating burn rate…?

Q. I struggle so much with investing time to meet new people and develop intimate relationships because life is so busy. Do you have tips or tricks to invest more time/energy in your sex life?  

A. First things first, what do you want?  Is it casual sex, or building a long-term relationship?  Is it a long-term, casual sex relationship? Knowing that will determine how, or even if, you can allocate resources to the task. That said, the idea of finding the resources (time, energy, etc.) to invest in our sex lives is a really capitalistic way of imagining our relationships with other people. And why wouldn’t we think about it in this way? Our whole lives are structured this way…

However, this way of thinking is rooted in a place of scarcity or lack. Lack of time, lack of energy, lack of good candidates…Does dating have a burn rate?  I invite you to pivot this thinking!

As opposed to focusing on what you’re lacking, focus on what you have in abundance to drive this effort! Whether it is an abundance of sex drive, or an abundance of desire to be a partner, this is surely a more motivational approach, whilst also being more empathetic to whomever you’re embarking on companionship with.  Ask yourself - do I have it to give, that which I’m looking to get?    

If you’re still having challenges, schedule the time in your calendar, like you would any other activity for your life.  And if you still can’t make it happen, you may have to reconcile dating is not a priority for you at the moment - and that’s ok!


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